My overall impression of Ellies paper was that in was a very well done essay with minor changes that needed to be done. I could tell that she has spent a lot of time on this paper and wants to succeed. She gets her points across and you are able to understand the point Ellie is trying to make.
One thing I thought could help improve Ellies paper is after every convention try to summarize it. For example, with audience it ends abruptly with only one sentence after a quote. to fix this, my idea is to go back to the paragraphs and maybe add another sentence or two just summarizing the convention in academic or non-academic.
Another thing, in your intro to academic and non-academic writings, I would introduce your subheadings. Give an explanation on why they are important to either academic or non-academic writings. The reader might get confused when words like audience and purpose show up.
Lastly, Sometimes in your paragraphs you get repetitive. Especially when introducing a quote or example. A few times all in the same paragraph you would say "For example" or "while speaking with _". I feel like the paper will flow more smoothly if there are a variety of intros to examples and quotes instead of the same or similar ones.
Ellies paper as a whole was written very well. The overall flow of the paper was very impressive and it had great content. She utilized great quotes throughout her paper and had a great person to interview that gave her details about writing in the field of journalism.
One of the things that Ellie could improve is how in depth her analysis is after her quotes. Her quotes were very well selected and they flowed well in her essay but she often only had one sentence of analysis. Even if she went through and added one more sentence after it would add a lot of strength to her essay.
Another part of the essay that I thought could be strengthened is the academic writing analysis. Overall, I thought her ideas were strong in that part of the essay I just didn't think it was in balance with the amount she wrote about non-academic writing. Honestly, to fix this she could add one more quote to add a new perspective.
Finally, I think that in every rough draft the word choice can always be improved to strengthen an essay. In the beginning she used "however" a few time and some of that could be changed with other words to support her ideas.
Edited By: Allie Wendell
ReplyDeleteMy overall impression of Ellies paper was that in was a very well done essay with minor changes that needed to be done. I could tell that she has spent a lot of time on this paper and wants to succeed. She gets her points across and you are able to understand the point Ellie is trying to make.
One thing I thought could help improve Ellies paper is after every convention try to summarize it. For example, with audience it ends abruptly with only one sentence after a quote. to fix this, my idea is to go back to the paragraphs and maybe add another sentence or two just summarizing the convention in academic or non-academic.
Another thing, in your intro to academic and non-academic writings, I would introduce your subheadings. Give an explanation on why they are important to either academic or non-academic writings. The reader might get confused when words like audience and purpose show up.
Lastly, Sometimes in your paragraphs you get repetitive. Especially when introducing a quote or example. A few times all in the same paragraph you would say "For example" or "while speaking with _". I feel like the paper will flow more smoothly if there are a variety of intros to examples and quotes instead of the same or similar ones.
Ellies paper as a whole was written very well. The overall flow of the paper was very impressive and it had great content. She utilized great quotes throughout her paper and had a great person to interview that gave her details about writing in the field of journalism.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that Ellie could improve is how in depth her analysis is after her quotes. Her quotes were very well selected and they flowed well in her essay but she often only had one sentence of analysis. Even if she went through and added one more sentence after it would add a lot of strength to her essay.
Another part of the essay that I thought could be strengthened is the academic writing analysis. Overall, I thought her ideas were strong in that part of the essay I just didn't think it was in balance with the amount she wrote about non-academic writing. Honestly, to fix this she could add one more quote to add a new perspective.
Finally, I think that in every rough draft the word choice can always be improved to strengthen an essay. In the beginning she used "however" a few time and some of that could be changed with other words to support her ideas.